Coffee Sips with Kate #7

Making “adult” friends is one of the more socially awkward and hard things to do. Asking a person out of your first friend date is 100% more awkward than any blind date.

You are more vulnerable, you put yourself out there and hope they like you too. There’s no end game. You are not trying to sleep with them, you aren’t trying to fall in love, no one is benefiting more than the other. We are adults & do not have time for the petty BS that was once involved in making friends (or at least I hope not).

As you grow up you have the ability to choose friends, not out of convenience, not because you grew up on the same block or went to the same school or played on the same team, or ended up being in the same sorority. As adults, you find people. You gravitate to people who better your life, share the same interests, or have similar goals. A more curated selection per se. 

You simply think that this person is pretty damn cool & you hope that they vibe with you too. Friend dates are more genuine than any “romantic” date. The bullshit facade of dating is eliminated & you are just your authentic self. Or maybe with 3 dates this week I have become a cynic to the world of dating. I see it more as a business transaction more and more each day.  But lets not even get me started with my thoughts on dating right now. That is a coffee sip for another day. 

But back to making friends. 

It funny because up until owning the store I could count on one hand how many close girl friends I had. I was more of a guy friends type. Felt there was less drama. My Girls Nights, however, have been my life saver in 2018. 

When I moved back to Boston in 2015 I didn’t have that many friends here. In my 20s I’ve lived in Boston, AR, AZ, LA, summer in London & NYC (not in that order). I’ve bounced around to say the least. It’s hard keeping close girl friends when you were a wanderlust lost soul. Also, being in recovery I have lost a lot of friends for various reason, couldn’t let certain friends back in my life, or just picked really shitty friends who were selfishly stabbing me in the back. 

Seeing as I’m not a recluse in my apartment I’ve had to boss up, be vulnerable, & and do the impossible: make genuine girl friends.

So how do you make friends as adults?

1. Well if you are lucky life me it’ll sort of just happens. One of my girls I met through an ex. Once him & I broke up we took our relationship from double dates to workout dates to girls nights. If I had to suffer & date that guy again to get her as a friend, I’d date him all over again! Its funny, both of my longer term relationships I have gotten 2 best friends out of - they are my silver linings! 

2. There’s also the new age way of making friends: instagram. Even saying this out loud I laugh a little. Can you really make a genuine connection over social media. short answer, yes! I’ve meet some incredible woman over Instagram who I am lucky to call my girlgang. Yes, there are a lot of posers on the internet. Just like in life. But just like in life, there are a lot of bad ass babes. Vibe with someone and grab a coffee IRL.

 3. Work BFF & work husband. Both are key people. Work relationships are tricky, you see them 6 days a week (well in my case 6 days most cases 5) so choose wisely. My work BFF is a fellow business owner. Having someone to relate to on the level of owning a brick and mortar has been invaluable. I look up to her and strive to have a similarly successfully business. Though is more than that, she's has become my rock in life as well. During a break up she was the one I turned too for endless laughs and easy distractions. 

So there you have it: as uncomfortable as it is, make adult friends. They are the lasting ones. Take that leap. Ask a girl out for coffee. Sweat it out in a spin class together. You never know they might just turn out to be the ones you end up turning too.  Mine have become my girl gang - ones that make life oh so sweet. 

 

until next time babes xx