Coffee Sips with Kate # 8

It’s Thursday! Which means it’s Thursday night football or to others the most classic date night. With a store event getting postponed, I debated what I should do. I have two different date proposals - both would have to include football of course. Or I could go home, build an empire as I scream at the TV. Winning or losing I scream obscenities to the team - I swear they can hear me through the tv and it pumps TB12 up.  I know what I want to do, what I should do, yet there is a voice in my head telling me the exact opposite. 

But before I get to that... let me break this down for ya.  

Work:

I am releasing a new product this fall & a week ago we (me & the other kate - store manager / life savor / keeper of my sanity) decided to redesign the whole thing. Before this point, I was truthfully half-assing this project. Summer 2018, was really hard. Grieving over Nas & losing friends I had been procrastinating on the release.  Though, I realized this was not my style and decided to go all in. Take a risk on me. Every risk I’ve taken has benefitted me greatly. But now I am knee deep in my busy season (I am my accountant, buyer, social media manager, sales manager, visual merchandiser) & getting ready to launch. What I’m trying to say is there is more than enough work with deadlines that I need to get done. I am absolutely not complaining, I love my work - it gives me so much fulfillment. I work until midnight every night happily. With the growth I have had- I see the potential if I just keep grinding. There’s so much I want to accomplish - if only there were a few more hours every day. 

Dates:

These guys (the guys I’m dating in general): well let’s just say the potential is less there than in my business. The guys I {constantly} meet are pretty much the same.  Different face, basically same date. Same restaurants. Same questions. The same dude just a different face. They care more about hearing themselves talk than caring what I have to say. After some dates, it totally makes me give up on being a true romantic at heart.

The breakdown:

It is quite obvious from an analytical viewpoint which option I should choose. Be a boss babe and build an empire. I enjoy it more than dates, the rewards are higher, and it fulfills me. Plus my sidekick West would be by my side, and he has been struggling lately :( 

The Struggle:

There is this voice inside my head. A little one telling me to do the opposite. It’s saying “if you are alone you can’t be happy” this little voice is years of society (and myself) telling me that a woman can only be happy if she is in a relationship. Let me just say this. I am not anti-relationships. Most people I know are in amazing relationships from family to friends. I am not upset or bitter by seeing the ones I love happy. I find it gives me hope that these disastrous dates are not epic failures. I frankly just don't think I would be happy with that lifestyle right now. 

I know I am not the only one out there feeling this way. But society... where is my Disney Princess that focuses on her and not waiting for a Prince to make everything better? Where are those new age movies where a girl starts the movie single and ends the movie single? Even female activist movies like Amy Schumer's are all about finding the one. 

It’s not that I dream of ending up alone on a farm somewhere with 90 rescue dogs - well actually I do dream of that. But at 30 I feel this immense pressure that I am such a loser if I’m not spending every waking moment after a 9-5 searching for Prince Charming. I feel that I’m late to the game that I should have had been building an empire in my 20's or married one of the guys in my 20's. Neither outcome would be good at this point. Why does 30 have to be this turning point in your life? Aren't we just adults now? Didn't we just figure out who were are?

If the right guy came along I would not shut down the opportunity. Truthfully I don’t even know what the right one even looks like. I know I could not see myself with any of the guys in my life right now, long-term. I am not even sure where I see myself. Is it so bad that I’m still figuring this out? Sometimes on dates, I feel like it’s 1950. " Oh, you are one of those girls, a career girl?" Yes, it's 2018, not 1958 where I have to burn a bra to work. I’ve been told numerous times in various ways that I should care less about my business or I’ll die alone. Like WHAT?! Is that the new tactic to get me to sleep with you? Desperation? Let me just tell you, it hasn’t worked thus far. Only one guy I’ve been on a date with has asked to see my website & one guy told me he checked it out. That 2 guys out of .... well I’ve lost track at this point but it’s been a busy summer.... even when I was in a relationship I would have to basically beg to look at my website. Yet I am supposed to sit across the table and stroke their ego about how well they have done in the business world?

What is so hard about supporting a girl chasing her dream?

Am I intimidating? Do I have bigger balls for taking a risk than they do? Has the online culture buyer cultivated this feeding ground for males and there is no reason to try? 

 

The Result: 

I started thinking I was going to poll everyone and say which should I do-go out or stay in and work. But fuck it. I’m going with my heart, my head, and my bigger balls: I’m staying home & building an empire. I am not a loser for that. I am actually quite the opposite. 

 

Coffee sips take away: keep doing you and only do what you want. There will always be another date, another party, another football game at a bar. There won’t always be a time to selfishly take chances on you.  

Hope you enjoy those sips of coffee today!!

 

ps... where is my Disney princess where she starts in a relationship and ends up building a girl gang empire?!